Even though I don’t know you personally, if you’re reading my advice I already know three important things about you:
And you deserve it. Not only that, but a great guy would be lucky to have you. How do I know? Because the fact that you’re willing to take responsibility for what happens to you – rather than just sitting around and complain – is going to make you an equal player in a relationship.
What’s more, your willingness to ask questions and accept influence about why men do what they do signals to me an openness and curiosity that will serve you well in any relationship.
No great guy wants to be with a woman who resorts to blaming or thinking she knows what he needs better than he does.
Are you feeling good about yourself yet? I hope so, because what irks me so much about responsible, empowered women like you… is that you often end up tolerating a whole lot or irresponsible behavior from men!
Not you? Bravo. But, I bet you have at least a girlfriend or two who falls into this category, and it’s hard for you to keep seeing her get involved with guys who aren’t giving her the kind of love and respect she deserves.
I’m not talking here about often “clueless” guy stuff like not calling when he says he will or “forgetting” to do something you asked (for the 10th time).
Those kinds of behaviors can happen even in a happy, committed relationship. They annoy you, but they don’t cause you major heartache or to question whether you should be in the relationship to begin with.
I’m referring here to behavior that is disrespectful – behavior that you might even try to cover up from other people because you don’t want them to know you’re involved with someone like THAT.
As a self-aware woman, you probably have your own ideas about why you sometimes wind up with guys who can’t commit, who lead you on, who lie, or who just can’t get their act together.
Maybe you chalk up your pattern with men to a distant father, or low self-esteem, or the lack of good relationship role models when you were growing up.
For whatever reason, deep down you don’t believe you’re worthy of the loving respect you want. And you’re worried that this guy will be your last chance at love. So you hold on tight and put up with his bad behavior.
Well let me tell you something sobering: this man WILL be your last chance at love… if you keep holding on to him and prevent yourself from finding a guy who DOES take responsibility for his behavior and his life.
Which leads me to…
Good guys take responsibility for themselves, and they strive to understand you just as you are trying to understand them.
Your only responsibility is to choose a guy who can do that.
I know that’s easier said than done. Sometimes you just don’t know from the beginning – a guy’s true colors can show up much later.
But that doesn’t mean you no longer have a choice. On the contrary, it’s a man’s responsibility to treat you well, and it’s your responsibility to keep choosing the right man every day – whether you’ve been with him a month or a decade.
Doesn’t this make you feel so much more powerful?
You can continue to be the chooser: if your man is treating you in a way that feels disrespectful, all you have to do is ask yourself whether you will allow the behavior to continue.
Do you continue to choose disrespect and pain, or will you choose the kind of man who knows how to be responsible to himself and to you?
Your answers to these questions will determine the course of your relationships – and of your whole life.
I’ll talk with you again soon I hope, and best of luck in Life and Love.